Sunday, 3 June 2012

The One With Ingrid Pitt's Tits

It's the autumn of 1971. Barry Letts is sat in the Doctor Who production office, planning the next series finale over the phone with his writing partner and good friend Robert Sloman...

Barry: "It's a six-parter this time Bob, and the Master's back."
Robert: "What, again?"
Barry: "Sure, why not? It's the last thing they'll be expecting."
Robert: "In disguise, I bet."
Barry: "Yeah, it'll keep them guessing. So, he's back on Earth, planning to summon an ancient all-powerful creature...
Robert: "Yeah, a right bastard! Hey, it could even be responsible for the destruction of Atlantis!"
Barry: "Brilliant idea! Now we're cooking... oh wait, Terrance says they did Atlantis a few years ago..."
Terrance: (in the background) "Yeah, it was shit."
Barry: "Why?"
Terrance: "Dancers dwessed as bloody fish, poncing about on Kirby wires."
Barry: "Wow. Shame they didn't have Chromakey, it could've looked fantastic. Alright then Bob, Atlantis it is. So it's the Master and this ancient evil versus the Doctor, Jo and the UNIT boys...
Robert: "Er, even Benton?"
Barry: "Of course, why not?"
Robert: "That John Levene was getting on my tits at the wrap party. Can I knock him out again?"
Barry: "I suppose so. Hold on, again... oh Buddha..."
Robert: "What?"
Barry: "I've just realised something, Bob."
Robert: "What?!"
Barry: "This idea... it's The Daemons"
Robert: "Oh..."
Barry: "Yeah... it's the same. (sigh) We'll just have to start again..."
Robert: "Fuck that. Hey, I was chatting to Ingrid Pitt the other day, she's sniffing round for a part. Let's just shove her tits in there, they won't have a fucking clue. Anyway, I'll have to ring you back in five minutes mate, been dying for a Tom Tit, got a right Roundhead poking out..."

Unseen for over twenty years, The Time Monster was screened in both episodic and omnibus editions by satellite channel UK Gold in early July 1993. And now, almost twenty years later, you can enjoy continuity from that very omnibus edition, broadcast Sunday 4th July 1993 from 9.00-11.45am, by clicking play on the video above. Enjoy!

WhoGold will return in two weeks time. God save the Queen, and Roy Hodgson.

No comments:

Post a Comment